To comprehend why someone would voluntarily marry a man they knew wasn’t attracted to them – you need to understand where Ali came from. You need to travel to the tiny town where she met her husband Kyle and feel the layers of oppression settle themselves onto your shoulders.
You need to understand what it’s like to grow up knowing your purpose in life is to start a family and that there is only one way of achieving that goal.
“One day, Kyle had pulled me aside and told me that he ‘struggled’ with homos-xuality.
My response: ‘Wow, you’re going to need a really strong wife!’ the American woman first wrote on Love What Matters.
“Due to our religious upbringing, both of us had been taught that if you were same-s-x attracted, you were to either live a celibate life, or, deny yourself and marry someone of the opposite s-x and do your best to live a heteros-xual lifestyle.
“Kyle always knew he wanted a family, so living a heteros-xual lifestyle was the only option for him – we were both under the assumption we would be able to pray the gay away.”
At Kidspot, we love love, and hope you do too! Find out about the brother and sister whose gay partners helped them become parents, or how Jo Richard realised her perfect man was actually a woman.
“Being parents was the highlight of our life”
So Ali and Kyle got married and quickly became the couple that everyone admired.
As they travelled the world together, people often told the couple that their relationship gave them hope and that they wanted to find someone as perfect for them to spend their lives with.
The strange thing about this was that it wasn’t a lie. Ali and Kyle were perfect for each other – they were best friends who worked well as a team and were always honest with one another.
This became even more important when five years later – they started having kids.
Soon the pair were run off their feet juggling two-year-old Eva Li and newborn Nygel – and loving any every second of it.
“Being parents was the highlight of our life,” Ali said. “Everything we did, we did with them in mind. “Life was busy and beautiful.”
But the cracks finally started to show
Ali and Kyle spent eight blissful years together until the cracks finally started to show. Kyle found it increasingly hard to ignore the fact he wasn’t being true to himself as a gay man.
It became obvious that simply praying the gay away just wasn’t working.
They started marriage counselling to work out whether they should stay together. “One of the ideas, was for Kyle to ‘come out’ as gay, publicly, while still remaining in our marriage,” Ali said. “I was hopeful. I liked the idea.”
“That statement really stood out to me. This is when I knew it was over”
But as much as she wanted Kyle to stay – it became obvious that it wasn’t possible. Ali remembers lying on their bed, looking into the eyes of the man she had built an entire life with and listening to him finally speak his truth.
“Kyle said this: ‘If I am going to be around gay men, I’m going to want to be with a man. This is not just about s-x with a man, this is about loving a man and being loved by a man. – Ideally, I want to have a relationship with a man’,” she vividly recalled him saying.
“That last statement really stood out to me.
This is when I knew it was over. “You would think by this time, I’d be weeping, but I was actually pretty sober, with just a few tears running down my cheeks. “This was how I replied: ‘So that’s it… that’s our answer… you need to be with a man’.”
“His freedom meant b-reaking my heart”
From that moment on, everything changed in their relationship. As heartb-reaking as it was, Ali and Kyle knew they couldn’t stay married any longer. With tears streaming down his face, Kyle begged her to forgive him for leaving.
“I had never seen him cry like this,” Ali said. “My guess is that he was b-roken over the fact that his freedom meant b-reaking my heart. “Although I felt pain, I also had a ridiculous amount of peace.”
“People don’t understand why I still support him”
Now two years on from their separation, Ali and Kyle are closer than ever. But it hasn’t been easy – after Kyle came out, Ali estimates they lost 95 per cent of their friends and family. Despite this they remain committed to raising their family in the most honest way possible.
“When I feel alone and like my life has to start over…You are good,” Ali said. “When people think we are making the biggest mistake of our lives – You are still good. “When people don’t understand why I still support him… You are good. “We are committed to teaching our children that love looks like something, and that love is not exclusive.”
This Story Was Originally Published On “kidspot.com.au”